she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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