I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
