does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
