I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
thus making me awesome and them whores
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize