you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
