If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
