i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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