I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
