My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
