Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
