My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Holy shit dude........stairs
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
