On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
