dude i'm inner monologue high
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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