when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
