I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
