DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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