Even the bartender felt bad for me
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
