how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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