I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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