I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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