i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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