told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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