Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
