Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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