ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just want to make out with him forever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
