People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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