'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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