the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize