there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
