There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
