I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize