We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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