You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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