I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
 go to hell.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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