If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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