i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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