I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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