Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
