I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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