I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize