i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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