Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
