Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
