were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
