I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
vagina is talking i cant
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
