I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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