It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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