she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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