Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
