were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
