Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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