Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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