she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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