This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
