as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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