We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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