are you so shy because you have an std?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
