I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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