The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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