if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
