i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
