Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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