Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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