do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
