I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
