i just google imaged poop.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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