Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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