oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
