I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
