is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
